


S.O.S.

by witchy_alien



Category: Free!
Genre: Depression, Implied Suicide Attempt, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 18:18:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15869136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_alien/pseuds/witchy_alien
Summary: Ikuya has his friends and he's finally out of his slump. Everything should be perfect, but it's not. Haru has perfect timing and Hiyori is supportive.





	S.O.S.

**Author's Note:**

> I just like making everybody really sad. Ikuya has referenced attempts, self harm, and suicidal thought.

Ikuya had his friends again, he was out of his slump, and Hiyori was back in his life. He should have been better. But Ikuya woke up and didn't have the energy to get out of bed. 

He remembered going to bed the night before early enough a time for Hiyori to make fun of him. Ikuya was too overwhelmed from swimming, from competing, from having fun. He was happy. It had only been a passing feeling, though. 

Ikuya was looking up at his ceiling when his phone went off. He didn't have to check to see that it was Hiyori messaging him. He had been awake in bed for a while now, but he had no idea of what the time was. 

Rolling onto his side, Ikuya checked his phone to read the message. It was a picture of two large coffees followed by a question mark. Ikuya's fingers hovered over the keys as he thought of what to respond with. He saw bubbles appear signaling that Hiyori was typing something else. But then they disappeared. 

Frustrated, Ikuya tossed his phone onto the floor. He glared at the trash can underneath his desk. He hadn't taken out the trash in weeks since only one thing was in there. Hidden in a paper bag were the meds Hiyori insisted on him getting. Living in America for so long Ikuya had been around people who openly discussed things like pills that were meant for the brain. But he was still embarrassed that he even had to talk to anybody to get them. 

He should just take them. The doctor told him that they could help, and if they didn't he could change them. Ikuya considered taking them, but instead threw them in the trash and lied to Hiyori about it. He didn't have the nerve to toss the trash out after that. 

And now he was considering taking the pills out. He blinked away the thought of taking more than the recommended dose. Shaking his head he turned onto his back. His phone rang from its spot on the floor and Ikuya ignored it in favor of closing his eyes. 

He was supposed to be happy now. He finally had closure between Haru and the others. The water accepted him again. He was happy the day before, so what happened since then. It made Ikuya angry. He had everything he wanted, so he should be better. 

But instead he was left with this ache in his chest as if something were crushing him. Tears prickled the corners of his eyes. Not wanting to spend all day in bed, Ikuya sat up. He took a deep breath in and slowly breathed out. His chest felt heavy still but he managed to get up. He grabbed his wallet and phone, stepping into his shoes he left. 

Ikuya walked to the train station sending a message to Hiyori that he woke up late. He didn't want him worrying about him. He didn't want Hiyori telling his brother about what a burden he was being. Hiyori sent him a message back telling him he already was drinking the coffee he bought him. Ikuya smiled at that. 

The Tokyo train station was busy as always. Ikuya learned fast in Tokyo how to manage around large crowds of people. But when his body felt heavier than his mind he couldn't focus. He felt like he was watching himself move through station. His mind drifting elsewhere, moving on autopilot to find the train he usually took to the coffee shop. He found his stop easily, even with his mind clouded. 

Ikuya slowly walked forward. People kept their distance from the line separating the them from the tracks. He focused in on the movement around him, the people going through the motions of their day. It was hard to breathe around so many bodies. He slowly moved his right foot forward. 

A hand touched his elbow bringing him out of thought. He blinked down at the tracks realizing just how close he was. Taking a step back, Ikuya turned to see Haru holding his arm. 

Haru's eyes always said more than Haru ever did. And in that moment they were swarming with something Ikuya knew wasn't pity. Haru led him to the wall and Ikuya helplessly let himself be dragged along. He saw his train pull up and leave through blurry eyes. His heart was beating so hard it felt like he was drowning under the pressure.

"Sometimes breathing helps," Haru's voice was a low murmur that cut through the crowd's noise. 

Ikuya leaned against the wall until his breathing evened out. Haru stood by him quietly and was a nice presence to be around. Once his heart calmed down Ikuya thanked Haru. 

"Hiyori," Ikuya started. 

"Can wait," Haru leaned against the wall next to him. He pulled his bag closer to himself and watched people board the train. 

"I wasn't trying to," Ikuya watched the train depart yet again. "I didn't mean to get," His voice caught in his throat because did he really not mean it. He had tried to in the past. One time he could remember blood, more than he had expected, and tears running down his face. Another time he woke up in the hospital with his brother next to him, eyes red from being up all night while their parents argued with the doctors about not moving him to a different ward. 

"Do you live close by?" Haru asked. Ikuya nodded and followed Haru out of the station. 

They walked in silence until they made it back to Ikuya's apartment. Haru treated it as his own and walked to the kitchen to start tea. Ikuya went to his bedroom and sat down. He listened to Haru rustle through his home. 

His eyes drifted over to the trash. He stood up and pulled out the bag, pills rattling at the motion. Ikuya shoved them under his pillow when he saw Haru approach with two mugs full of tea. Ikuya held his mug close, watching the steam rise. Haru sat down next to him, still keeping a sensible distance. 

"Last year was the worst it's been for me," Haru began. Ikuya turned to him and could see, even from looking at his profile, that the look in Haru's eyes earlier was that of understanding. Haru's fingers tightened around the mug in his hands, "I pushed everyone away and I struggled a lot. It helped to talk to people about it." He took a sip of his tea. "I didn't have any ideations or thoughts that went far. But everything was harder to do." 

Ikuya leaned in, "What did you do?" 

Haru smiled in the way Haru always did. Small and free and meant only for himself, "I ran away to a different country." 

Ikuya coughed, staring wide eyed at Haru. He never ceased to amaze. 

"And when I got back my teacher helped me find a professional." Haru turned to Ikuya, their faces were close together, "It was harder in Iwatobi than here. Your coach can help you find somebody." 

Ikuya looked away, eyes glaring at the pillow. He reached under it and pulled out the pills, "Hiyori had me see someone."

Haru looked to the door, "Mine are in my bag." It was such a Haru thing to say with confidence. Always unafraid of what others thought of him. 

"Hiyori doesn't press the issue much since he knows I have a prescription. But," Ikuya sniffed, "he would tell my brother if he knew what happened today. And I can't," The tears flowed freely, "not after last time." 

Haru let Ikuya cry. He rubbed at his eyes to try and wipe the tears away. The mug was taken out of his hands surprising him. He opened his eyes and saw a blur of brown hair sitting in front of him. 

"I won't tell him if you don't want me to," Hiyori set the mug aside. He pulled Ikuya's hand down from his face with a gentle squeeze. Hiyori held his hand in his lap and waited for Ikuya's crying to calm down. 

"How," Ikuya sniffed. 

Hiyori smiled up at him, "Haru messaged me." 

Haru stood up checking his phone, "I can send you links." 

Ikuya watched Hiyori thank him leaving the two alone in his room. Hiyori kept his hand over Ikuya's, his thumb rubbing gentle circles. 

"I thought you didn't like him," Ikuya said. 

Hiyori wiped a tear from Ikuya's cheek, "He gets on my nerves, but I guess he's okay." 

A laugh bubbled out of Ikuya's lips. 

Hiyori got up, moving to sit next to him on the bed. Ikuya leaned into him as his body weight made the bed sink. He bumped his shoulder against Hiyori. He could tell Hiyori anything, but it was still difficult to form the words without feeling his stomach drop. The ridiculous fear that Hiyori would leave him. 

The semi-realistic fear that he would and almost did leave Hiyori. 

"I," He choked out, "Haru stopped me from," he didn't know where to start. "I didn't realize and then Haru was there, and the train was a few minutes away, and I," Ikuya thought he had cried out all his tears, "didn't realize." 

He felt Hiyori's hand tighten over his, grounding him. 

"I don't want to hurt myself," Ikuya reassured. 

Hiyori wrapped his arms around Ikuya. He pulled him close, kissing the top of his head, "I can't fix this." 

Ikuya shook his head, surely rubbing snot on Hiyori's shirt, "It's something you can't fix." 

They pulled away from each other. Hiyori slipped his hand into Ikuya's, "I know you don't like it and you think you're being a burden, but I want to know these things." He lifted Ikuya's hand to his lips, "I support you in anything you decide." 

"But," Ikuya knew what Hiyori would say next. 

"This isn't something I can help you with more than just supporting you." 

Ikuya wrapped himself around Hiyori. His chest ached as if all of the day was crushing him. But his head felt lighter. They sat in silence the only thing between them was the sound of their breathing and heartbeats. Ikuya evened out his breathing to match Hiyori. He took a deep breath in and pulled out of the embrace. 

"I'll call Coach and the doctor," Ikuya dug through his pockets for his phone. 

Hiyori stood up and left the room in a hurry. Ikuya smiled when he returned with an iced coffee in hand. The ice had almost all melted, but Ikuya accepted it anyway. 

Hiyori plopped back down on the bed. He laid down, rubbing the small of Ikuya's back. "I feel all that coffee I drank earlier," He laughed out. 

Ikuya turned taking a long sip of his coffee and hummed, "Sounds like a problem." 

Hiyori chuckled, "He's got jokes." 

Ikuya placed his cold cup on Hiyori's knee making him sit back up. He wrapped his arms around Ikuya's waist peeking over his shoulder. Ikuya paused over the Coach's number in his phone. 

"I got you," Hiyori kissed his shoulder. 

Ikuya still felt tired and not all there. But he had his friends, he had Haru, he had Hiyori. He pulled Hiyori's hand up, placing a kiss on his palm, "Thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> Haru is a sad boy that wants to help his friend. Hiyori is my boy being supportive. And Ikuya needs all the love and support.


End file.
